Another Monday, another episode of The Bachelor! And of course, with it, comes another installment of Man Quotes! As always, there are never any spoilers in these, so you can read with ease! If you missed it, read last week’s Man Quotes here. Let’s get into it.
Zack: Next time we go to Southern California, we’ll have to see how close we can get to the Bachelor mansion.
-Girl picks up date card and reads it.-
Zack: Who’s that?
Me: I have no clue.
Juan Pablo: “Cassandra seemed to me a little shy.”
Zack: You can’t be shy with Juan Pablo.
Me: I want a boat car!
Cassandra: “I feel like I saw him in his element.”
Zack: …Because he’s a professional boat car racer.
Katie: Former NBA Dancer? That’s not a job!
Zack: Well, no, that means she’s unemployed now.
-When they’re at the soccer field, showing Juan Pablo playing-
Zack: Oh, I can imagine how fun this will be for the girls.
Juan Pablo: “I want the girls to know who I am.”
Zack: I’m pretty sure they know that he likes soccer.
-In the limo, one girl is spread eagle-
Zack: Which one’s not very lady-liiiike.
Sharleen: “I’ve never played soccer. That seems like an accident waiting to happen.”
Zack: We can only hope.
Clare: “It’s weird kissing somebody who you know is kissing other people.”
Katie: Um… hi. You signed up for THE BACHELOR.
-While the girls are playing soccer-
Zack: Okay, who’s gonna fake an injury.
Girl: “I really want that rose on the table.”
Zack: Just take it. Grab it. It’s not that hard.
Zack: This season, brought to you by pillows. She’s just covered in pillows.
Elise: “I guess this date just wasn’t meant for me.”
Zack: Well, it wasn’t. It had another girl’s name on it.
Sharleen: “There’s some chemistry there.”
Zack: Is there?! It didn’t seem like it on the first date when you laughed in his face.
-Sharleen and Juan Pablo on the soccer field-
Katie: Ew ew ew ew that is NOT how you kiss.
Zack: This girl’s starting to get a little coo-coo.
Chelsea: “Who knows what’s gonna happen with him and with this date.”
Zack: You’re about to jump off a bridge, that’s what’s gonna happen.
Zack: You fed her Venezuelan sandwiches and now you’re going to throw her off a bridge.
Juan Pablo: “Trust me.”
Katie: Oh, yeah, okay, I’m going to trust you because I’ve known you for like a day.
Chelsea: “I’m terrified. I don’t know if I can do it.”
Zack: Just throw her off. She’ll do it.
Juan Pablo: “I’m a single parent…”
Zack: You are?!
Juan Pablo: “She is very maternal.”
Zack: Well, according to Elise, she’s a baby.
Chelsea: “There are no words for how perfect this date was…”
Katie: Use your words.
Zack (as Billy Currington’s “Hey Girl” is playing): Use your words, girl.
Zack: Look at all these pillows. It’s the season of pillows. There have been at least 30 pillows featured on this episode.
Clare: “It’s not a jealousy thing, I just wish it was me.”
Zack: Isn’t that the definition of jealousy? It’s not a jealousy thing, I’m just jealous.
Juan Pablo: “That’s why I did the pool party instead. I didn’t want you guys to get dressed up and do all these things.”
Zack: Mmhmm. All these clothes.
JP: “Cocktail parties are great, but I liked this pool party better.”
Katie: Yeah, I liked all these bikinis.
Oh, Juan Pablo. At least you’re entertaining. What did you all think of the episode?