She’s been gone three years now, and I miss her so, with every fiber of my being.
It isn’t fair that she’s gone. It isn’t fair that I don’t have her here on earth to share my thoughts with. To share my babies with. To tell my fears to and ask for her advice.
She always said the right thing- exactly. She had the warmest smile and the most caring eyes. She would have loved these babies with everything she had.
Instead she is gone. Instead she isn’t here. And I’m left a motherless daughter, trying to navigate motherhood without my own.
And it’s hard.
Some days the grief is completely all-consuming.
Today is one of those days.
xo
*hugs*
Thanks girl
xo
I am sending so much love to you today!
Thanks girl, that means a lot!
xo
My dad died 2.5 years ago…and just two weeks ago my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I will soon be a 30 year old orphan. I feel your pain. Know you are not alone.
Oh my gosh, Elena, my heart goes out to you. What a difficult time in your life. I have no words to say that will make you feel better, but just know that you are SO STRONG and can get through anything- you already have! Sending you lots of love and hugs.
xo
sending love. i know you need her and i am sooo endlessly sorry! :( xoxoxo
Thank you, girly. You have always been so sweet to me. Hugs!
xo
I started following your blog when my daughter was 4 months old and my mom became part of the “cancer club” 2 years ago. You are so strong and brave. What a hard thing you are navigating beautifully. I hope you always feel your mom within you and near you as you take care of those little ones the way she once took care of you. May God and your mom be with you on those hard days. And those babies make you smile and laugh enough today to remind you of life’s beauty and not the pain. Thinking of you Katie.
Gosh, your comment touched my heart. Thank you so much. And I’m so sad to hear about your mama. Treasure every moment you get with her! And I definitely feel God and my mom with me so strongly, especially on the tough days. I cling to that feeling.
xo
I just lost my dad on December 11. It was so sudden and not at all expected. Yesterday was such a hard day for me too!! Like how can he be gone?! I needed him!! I can’t imagine how my life will look without my daddy. And it breaks my heart my little guy won’t remember him. I would love to chat if you ever feel like you need to vent! Thinking and praying for you!
Kendall, I am so sad to hear about your dad. I know exactly those feelings- all too well! I’d love to chat, too. Feel free to email me any time! [email protected] – Thinking of you.
xo
I’m feeling for you….. No one can fix it, no one can make it better, but please try to find strength. It’s hard to find the right words, but my prayers are with you.
Thank you so much. It was a difficult day, and those difficult days will always be there, but I definitely felt so much love, too!
xo
Katie please know you are in my thoughts and prayers!! Sending you hugs and love from Missouri.
Thank you so much! That means a lot!
xo
Big hugs to you. I’m so sorry your mama is not physically here with you to comfort you and smile at you. It can be so challenging being a mama without having the guidance from our own mamas. You are doing a beautiful job and your mama is loving you and your babies from above… more so than we could ever imagine. I lost my mama when I was 18 and today I turn 33, and it’s still hard. But our mamas are shining down on us and showering us and our little babies with love.
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Catherine. You know exactly how hard it is and how overwhelming grief can be. But you are absolutely right: our mamas are shining down on us and loving our babies so hard. Thank you for the reminder.
xo
I know exactly how you feel. Still missing my dad so much. I need him. I shouldn’t have to be without him. He was the best dad. I will pray for you! You have such a kind heart
You are so sweet- and I’m so sad to hear about your dad. It isn’t easy and it isn’t fair, but just know he is always with you.
xo
Catherine just said what I was thinking. I pray that God will give you comfort and peace. Know that you will all be reunited one day, and the horrible grief and sadness you are experiencing is normal, even after three years. Expect to have these “sinking spells,” but please know that with time they come less often, and you will become more able to cope.
It hurts so much to lose your best friend, the woman who knows you better than anyone, who loves you and your babies unconditionally. As your children grow, you may feel cheated that she is not there to share birthdays, holidays, milestones, and even your smallest joys and sorrows.
I experienced paralyzing and prolonged grief after losing my only sibling when he was 15 years old. He was killed by a gunshot wound in a hunting accident. I grieved for years. The most seemingly insignificant memories triggered sobbing sessions, and eventually I was silently resentful that my sons had to grow up without knowing their uncle.
You are a very brave woman. I’m sending prayers and hugs, and hope that your pain is eased by sharing it with us.
Wow, thank you so much for your kind words. They are so comforting to me. And I’m so sad to hear about your brother- I can’t imagine the pain that must have been, at such a young age. And I do find some comfort writing out all of my feelings and sharing in this community, and to be able to hear other’s stories, like yours, and know they we are all in this together, and are not alone. There’s so much comfort in that.
xo
Oh Katie! :( Thinking of you and sending love xoxoxo
Thank you sweet girl!
xo
So sorry for your loss. :(
Thank you <3
xo
Those days are hard. It’s amazing how you can be doing so well and living in a new normal and out of no where a smell,song or glimpse of something brings everything back. Try and hang in there even though the new mommy hormones and lack of sleep make it hard.
Ugh, yes, those little things that bring back a flood of memories and sadness can be the hardest. Thank you for your words.
xo
Sending lots of love and good thoughts your way today, Katie. I can’t imagine what it’s like or what you’re feeling. Your angel mom is looking down on you and your family proudly. Much love <3
xx Lauren
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. <3
xo
So sorry! No words can make you feel better I know! Hugs!
You are so right, but just the hugs mean so much. :) Thank you.
xo
YES. Every word that you wrote. My mom passed away 13 years ago… and I’m only 31. She didn’t get to see me graduate college. She didn’t get to see me get married, she never even met him. She didn’t get to see her grandchild be born. In person. But she sees everything all the time and that’s the comfort that I get when I think about it. Though I can’t see her and I can’t talk to her, she gets to see me all the time, gets to see my son and my husband all the time and that means the world to me.
I love that, so much. It’s hard, but definitely something I have to always remind myself. She isn’t missing out, she is seeing it all and loving it all and so happy for us. :) Love to you, too. I know how hard this all is.
xo
So, so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was really young – only 6 years old. So I have gotten almost used to not having a mother around. I am now pregnant with my first baby and it has brought up a lot of emotions regarding the loss of my own mom. Its a weird feeling knowing I will have to figure out how to be a mother even though I never really had one myself. I am sure you are doing an amazing job with your kids. I love checking out your blog and seeing all of your pictures.
Oh gosh, being a mother without your own mom is so very hard and confusing and brings me to some dark sad places sometimes. But I know I’m a good mother, and mostly thanks to my own mom! And the same with you- although you were way too young to experience such a great loss, your mom is always with you and I think you’ll feel that once you have your own sweet baby. It’ll come, naturally. And you’ll feel your mom with you. <3 Sending you lots of love and a big congrats on your pregnancy!
xo
Hey dear…have been following your blog ever since I got pregnant in June last year…my due date is 4th March and yet am unable to wait anymore. This is my first pregnancy.
Due to access travel I was suggested early maternity leaves. Now for bored.
Hailing from India.
It’s really brave to adjust and manage two wonderful kids in own without your own mothers guidance. I can understand because I am prompt enough to talk and share with my mother in law or mother. We live as a family with in laws.
Loads of love and blessings to little ones and hugs and affection to you
Congrats on your pregnancy, Divya! And thank you so much for your comment- you are very sweet! That is amazing that you live with your in laws and have your mother so close, too. Cherish that! It truly is a blessing!
xo
I feel ya, lady. I don’t even have kids yet but it breaks my heart thinking how my mom won’t be around when that time comes. :(
Sending lots of love and hugs your way. <3
Thanks sweet girl. It is definitely hard and brings waves of sadness a LOT, thinking of how much she would love my babies. I just have to remind myself a lot that she IS loving my babies, just from afar. :)
xo