First, I shared this on Instagram, but wanted to share here, too. It’s real and raw and exactly how I was feeling when I wrote it. I love these babies so much, and sometimes life can be hard and challenging, but it doesn’t make it any less beautiful…
We had an “autism” morning today. Meltdowns over who knows what. Refused to do anything. Tears from both of us. Ugh. This is so hard. Trying to be there for both of them is hard too- Sophie needs just as much attention and love as Sam does. And I get so upset when I think about our lives, and how so much of it revolves around SAM- his therapies and behaviors and picky eating and trying to just live our everyday without “tipping” him off. Sometimes I feel like we’re walking on eggshells. And sometimes it feels like, because of this, we’re stifling Sophie and her spirit. I pray this isn’t so. I never ever want to do that. I love her feistiness and her sweet and spirited nature. I don’t want to “shut her up” because she’s being too noisy around her brother. It’s a really hard balance. One we’re working on every day.
And yet. Despite my thoughts and worries and fears, when I see her with him, I see none of that. No resentment. No hatred. No jealousy. All I see is LOVE. Pure and intense love for her brother. Maybe it’s just because she’s still too little to really feel those other emotions, but for now I’m relishing in this scene. Sophie, always chasing after him, always seeking him out, when he very rarely does so in return. But I see her seeking him out, and I see her pulling him out from himself. And it’s such a beautiful thing.
It’s like God, isn’t it? He is always seeking us out. He never wavers in his love for us. Like my current favorite worship song goes: the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God.
May we all love with THAT kind of love- with the heart of a child.
And may Sophie never stop loving her brother something fierce.
___
And now for some randomness from the week. :) Because I am nothing if not random.
LEGGINGS | SIMILAR BEANIE | STROLLER
This sickness we’ve all (except Zack, lucky guy!) had this past week has been soooo lame. We were stuck inside all weekend long, blowing noses and being generally miserable. But! We finally are all feeling better this week, and so we ventured out into the world in the form of a trip to the playground! We were all happy to be out in the Land of the Living. Sam’s face cracks me up here though- still just SO OVER this dang cold! ;)
Wantable continues to kill it every month with my monthly subscription box from them. I get the Fitness Edit, and each box is full of the CUTEST workout clothes to motivate me to get moving. My hoodie, top and leggings (new faves!) were all included. Click HERE to get your first box!
HAPPY THURSDAY! Almost to the weekend, wooo!
xo
You are doing the right thing! I am an elementary school teacher and my kids that have autism and get early intervention thrive!!! One of my first graders who I had who was diagnosed at 2. Just left for college at Norte Dame!!! Keep working hard momma your are investing in his future!! God trusted you to be his advocate and it will be a long hard road but it will pay off!! Big hugs-MELISSA
Oops Notre Dame
What a beautiful post. It resonated deeply with me. We have four children, Evan 12, Cole 11, Ella 8 and Drew 6. Drew has Spastic Quad Cerebral Palsy. He is non verbal and non ambulatory. He has lots of appointments and requires total care. Our older kids adore him and love him so deeply. They have developed such a spirit of compassion and empathy. One thing we try to do us never let his appointments take away from their activities. They are all very active. So we are sure they don’t miss something because of his appointments. We travel once a month for his therapy and if we gave other things on the calendar one of us take Drew and one of us stay with the other kids. If we all go we find fun things to do while we are there, parks, Starbucks runs, golf etc. We involve him in every aspect of our life and in all their sporting events and explain that as a family we all support each other, so just as we go to his appointments and therapies, he comes to their events. You are an amazing momma and Sam and Sophie are blessed. Stay close to the Lord and cry out to him when it’s hard. I know God is using Drew and our story to bless many. It is hard at times as I have a nephew the same age and two close friends have kiddos the same age and as they celebrated each milestone, such as sitting, walking, talking, potty training, etc my momma heart hurt, as Drew was not doing these things. If you have never heard of ABM therapy that is our primary therapy for Drew and they also work with children with autism. Drew’s diagnosis is related to lack of oxygen in utero and a resulting enlarged ventricle, so his gross motor is most affected, but with ABM he is so aware, interactive and engaged. If you want any more info I can share it with you. Remember to always celebrate Sam for who he is and focus on what he can do and not on what he can’t. Celebrate each small victory and try to not make too many goals, not that you don’t have hope and dreams for what he will do, but unmet goals can be recasting, instead just celebrate each victory. So much love and hugs.
Devastating* not recasting
It is tricky with the goals as many therapies are based in that, but they can be so comparative….each child is unique and living their own journey and comparison can be the theif of joy….Sorry I am struggling to clearly convey the goal issue.. .