I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Actually, I think a lot in general, which sometimes can be a very bad thing and takes me to very dark and endlessly sad places. But sometimes in my thinking I find clarity and comfort. This is just a little something I’ve come up with that I hope may help even just one of you. I made this little list of things you can do for someone who is grieving. As a grieving person myself, these are things that I have experienced personally that have put a smile on my face (not an easy task some days!) This isn’t anything big or ground-breaking, but sometimes it’s the easiest, most simple things that are the hardest to come up with.
– Be there for them. And let them know that you are.
– Send a quick note or email just letting them know that you’re thinking of them. It really will brighten their day.
– Ask how they’re doing, but don’t ask too often. It can get old, no matter how much of a good place you are coming from.
– Don’t just leave them alone. As hard as it is to talk about the loss, the worst thing is feeling like they’ve lost everyone.
– Do not ignore the loss. This almost can feel belittling, which is the worst. This loss is a huge part of this person now, and acknowleding it every now and then is healthy and important.
– Offer to do something fun with them to keep their mind off of feeling sad.
– Make them smile. Send them a little joke or text them an “I love you!” just because.
It really is the little things. You don’t need to do some grand gesture, but also because you feel you can’t do anything “good enough,” don’t do nothing at all. I promise, there is no such thing as “not good enough” when it comes to comforting someone. The little things mean so much more now than they ever did before.
xo
I love you :D
I love you! :) :)
xo
I totally agree with this. I have written a couple of blog posts myself to this effect. I think people think they have to know exactly how to help and do something big, but the little things seems so big and mean so much. Can I share this?
Yes, exactly! Of course you can share it! :)
xo
This is a really good reminder and I was actually having a conversation about this earlier with my friend. It’s hard to know how to handle someone who’s grieving but some of the most painful moments I’ve experienced are when I’ve been mourning and all of my friends seem to have disappeared. Thanks for sharing this.
Oh, Jess, it really is the most painful feeling, which is why it is SO important to remember that you are never alone! And also that some people have never experienced loss themselves, and therefore it’s harder to know what to do. I just thought this little post might help anyone who was curious :) Glad you liked it!
xo
i love these tips. you’re so right, it’s the little things that make a HUGE difference! glad to hear that people are doing these sweet things for you!
Thanks, girl. It’s been amazing how kind people can be :)
xo
thanks for sharing this katie! ..i so admire how generous your heart is towards people and how you use these sorts of things in your life to give comfort and hope to others. you are a gem!
Oh darling girl, you are the sweetest to me. YOU are a gem!! xoxox
xo
Great Post! Reminds me of a post I made about grieving as well:
http://todayshealthrocks.blogspot.com/2013/01/accept-this-truth-it-will-never-be-same.html
I love your post, too. I identify with it all!
xo
Love this post Katie. These simple things really do make a huge difference!
Amen to that, girl. Thanks :)
xo
I couldn’t agree with you more about all of this. I had to say goodbye to several of my best friends after the loss of my mom. They were there for the funeral but after that, I was constantly the only one to reach my hand out to them. As bratty as it makes me feel to say that, I had to take it for what it was. The last thing someone who’s grieving should have to do is try to save a friendship too.
I understand that it can be difficult to be there for someone who’s grieving (you’re scared of reminding them of the loss by asking about it or asking if they want to talk) but by completely avoiding it and NOT being present, you’re right… it’s belittling. Anyway, you know I love you and you know I’m here, always thinking of you and lifting you up in my prayers. Thank you for writing this! I’ve had a similar post I’ve been working on little by little! xo
Isn’t that just the hardest? But you’re right- it’s the last thing you need when you’re grieving is to have to try too hard in other parts of your life. Plus, with friendships and relationships, you should never feel like you have to try too hard at all. Plus, we’ve learned especially through our experiences just how short life is and to be around people who lift us up and really LOVE well. love you!
xo
These are all great ideas that are sometime forgotten. My grandma passed away a little over a week ago and it’s been tough on my dad. She used to make this apricot tart that everyone raved about, so I made it for him while hanging out with him last week. Also just picking up the phone and calling them too, you don’t necessarily have to talk about the loved one that passed but just listening how their day is going means all the world.
Aw, you are such a doll to your dad. I’m sure that meant the world to him! Hugs to you, girl.
xo
Thank you for this post. I think a lot of people (myself included) don’t know how to act or what to say, and probably make it more awkward than it has to be. My heart goes out to you and I have been thinking about you and praying for you this entire time.
Aw you’re so very welcome. I’m glad it could help you! Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughts. They mean the world to me <3
xo
Yep. I wrote this same post a year or so ago. So true.
Wow, did you really? I’ll have to read it. I just felt compelled to write it.
xo
Thank you for this post, Katie. It is always so hard to know what to do and how to be there. Glad to have you share your thoughts. Love you, girl!
Aw love you!
xo