This week has been a doozy, and it’s only Wednesday. ;) We had a major meltdown over Cheerios the other day (no joke) but it brought some things to light for us, and helped us learn and grow. I feel like all things, big and small, help us learn and grow in some way. It seems the bigger the problem, the more the growth sometimes, doesn’t it?
Sam is prone to OCD behaviors and can be strict in his routines, unless we keep them fluid and so we’re constantly being reminded to mix things up. Always learning, always growing. But the growing? It’s HARD. Seeing your child bite himself and then cry from the pain? It’s HARD. Being slapped by your kid and having to sit through it and try to keep him (and yourself) safe? It’s so hard. It’s exhausting and emotionally taxing. But then when he’s calmed himself and the smile comes back and he comes back to us. My heart could burst with love.
This journey of motherhood, of having a child with special needs, of running 2 businesses while also homeschooling and taking care of my own mental health, it all feels really heavy and hard sometimes. And I think that’s normal and that’s okay. This week, I started a new routine that I’ve said I was going to start forever, but this time it feels different. This time, my mindset is different. This time, I’m in a much better place. It’s simple: waking up before the kids and making time to take care of my health, getting my workout in first thing before reaching for my phone and before the day begins. I’m on day 2 and I can already tell where I am is the best place I’ve ever been. And what’s crazy is everything around me is the same. The chaos and tantrums and challenges are all still there. But what’s changed is inside of ME.
It’s a really hard, messy and crazy time in my life, but mentally and emotionally? I am so clear on where I want to be. I’m locked into my goals and I KNOW that I will succeed in this new lifestyle change. It sounds so simple yet it’s taken me a long time to get here. And I’ve got a fire in my soul and am feeling grateful for the hard times, because they’ve gotten me here and here is exactly where I am supposed to be.