Grieving is such a weird thing. It’s been exactly one year since my mom took her last breath. It’s been one year since I got to see her pretty face. One year since I heard her say, “Good night, sweetie pie” to me.
And I remember everyone telling me that “it gets easier” and I’m still not quite convinced that it’s entirely true. Because in my darkest, quietest moments, I still miss her just as bad as I did that first week.
Sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks and I’m consumed entirely by my sadness. Other times, it is easier, it’s true. I can get through most days just fine. But the dark days are all-consuming. And I think that’s just how it’s going to be.
I mean, when you lose your best friend, you never fully get over it.
This isn’t my typical happy post. Because this isn’t my typical happy day. I’m so blessed and thankful that I can honestly say that a typical day for me IS happy. But not today. And I’m at peace with that.
Please, if you have a second, say a little prayer or send happy thoughts my way, and my dad’s way, and my brothers’ and aunt and grandpa and so many who loved my mom as much as me. And that is a lot of people, because she was just so easy to love.
I miss you every day, Mom. I know you’re looking down on me and smiling that gorgeous smile of yours. I know every time I cry, you are there whispering for me to stop. I hope I’m making you proud. I hope that you know how much you’re missed. I so look forward to the day when I get to see your face again.
xo
Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family! I know that I don’t know you but I love reading your blog.. Always puts a smile on my face. xoxo
You are so sweet, Sue. Thank you so much <3
xo
sending my love to you and you’re whole family on this day! <3
Thank you sweet girl <3
xo
I’m sending love and thoughts from Vancouver to California to you and your fam today. Xoxo
Thank you miss Laura <3
xo
A beautiful post, sending my thoughts and prayers your way today. xo
Thank you Kendall <3
xo
Sending love and prayers your way today! :)
Thanks so much, Ann!
xo
katie, i cannot believe it’s been a whole year. i thought about you just the other day when i was thinking about loss and how many people go through it at far too early a point in life. i am so so sorry and still so heartbroken that you don’t have your mom with you! i am sending prayers, and i hope that even though it doesn’t get easier, maybe there will be more peace ahead for your darker days? i cannot imagine, but i am sure sending my hugs as well!! xoxoxoxo
Brittany, you are just the sweetest. You made me cry all over again <3
xo
I’m so sorry for your loss :( Your family is in my thoughts. Vday was the birthday of my best friend who took his own life so it’s a really depressing time for me too. I’ve found it physically gets easier over time, like I don’t feel physically consumed with sadness anymore where I can’t get out of bed and my bones no longer ache from the pain… but it’s always there in my mind. What’s helped me through it is just realizing that you never get over grief, the pain is never numbed, but you learn to live with it. It’s always there in your heart but you learn to live with the grief and live through it. I hope you feel better and have the best day that you can today with everything.
You just put it absolutely perfectly- the physical pain gets easier, but the emotional part never will go away. <3 Thinking of you too sweet girl.
xo
Sending lots of positive thoughts and good vibes towards you and your family today.
Thanks so much, Jenn <3
xo
sending my love to you and your family. January 27th was 1 year since I lost my dad, so I know how you feel. XOXO
Oh sweet girl, thinking of you as well. I hate that we have to go through all of this pain <3
xo
Thank you! XO This was the blog post that I wrote in memory of my dad:
http://lifeaslisaknowsit.com/2014/01/27/one-year-ago-today/
Sending prayers & positive thoughts to you and your family on this day. I know without a doubt that your mom is proud of you & is watching over you and that baby boy you’re bringing into the world soon!
Aww thank you Jamie! I know she is absolutely watching over us! <3
xo
Love your blog. This post hit home with me, I lost my mom when I was six years old. While that is a completely different experience than losing your mom at an older age, I can empathize with the pain you are experiencing. Its okay to be sad. It doesn’t get easier, you get stronger. Hang in there.
Thank you so much, Maggie. You’re right: You just get stronger. You put that perfectly. <3
xo
Praying for you all from South Africa.
Thank you so much, Kylie <3
xo
Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family today!
Thank you Taylor <3
xo
Sending you and your family my thoughts Katie. That’s a beautiful photo!
Thank you so much, miss Bailey girl <3
xo
Sending love and good thoughts to you and your family :) Your mum will ALWAYS be proud of you, no matter what. She’s your mum and she loves you, whether she’s close or far away that love will always be there for you and everyone she loved.
Aw I love what you said. Thank you sweet girl <3
xo
Sending you and your family positive thoughts. Xoxo
Thank you Jamie <3
xo
Hi Katie,
I shouldn’t have read your post at work today because tears in an office are often unexplainable.
I can feel what you’re going through today. I lost my Dad in 2007, and I’m certainly not the same person I was. And I’m going to be honest here: even after all this time, it still hurts so bad. Maybe not as much as that first week, but I definitely still have very dark days…even after all this time.
You are right, it’s not something that you ever “get over.” And no one truly knows what you’re feeling unless they’ve experienced it themselves. My heart breaks for you today, but I also know that you’re a person who’s strong in her faith, and God will help you through.
So, I guess I’m just commenting today to let you know that you’re not alone and that you are very much loved and blessed.
I’m sending tons of love and prayers to you and your family. God bless you all. May He grant you strength and peace today and always.
Sincerely,
Heidi Jo
Aw sweet girl, I’m so sorry to have made you cry in your office. Your comment comforted me a lot- thank you for sharing. And you’re right: God gives us the strength we need to keep on keeping on, no matter how hard it may be. God bless you, miss Heidi <3
xo
Prayers for you and your family, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling.
Thank you Alyx <3
xo
Wishing you peace as you get through this day. Your mom’s soul and spirit will be there by your side every day as she helps you to be a new mother and that makes my heart happy.
Aw sweet girl, your comment warmed my heart :) Thank you so much <3
xo
I lost my dad 16 years ago and as much as I’m okay on a day to day basis now, it’s crazy how hard it can hit you at times. I still have days like that and there isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think of him. Time heals in the sense that the day to day gets easier but of course there will always be hard days. I’m thinking of you and your family today, Katie! And sending virtual hugs!
Thank you so much, sweet Ashley! <3 I've definitely come to grips that there will ALWAYS be hard days. Hugs right back at you!
xo
Thinking of you today, girl! <3
Thank you so much, Ashley <3
xo
Prayers your way. I hope you spend this week remembering how wonderful she was. xo
Thanks Chelsea! I absolutely have been remembering her and how wonderful she was!! <3
xo
Katie, you are so strong and I know your mom is so proud of you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers <3
Thank you so much Lorraine <3
xo
I am positive your mom is very proud of you, and excited for you! She will be with you in spirit today and everyday. Grief is hard.. I hope that you can find the strength to remember all the happy memories with your mom. I am so very sorry and you and all your family are in my thoughts.. lots of love being sent your way!!
xoxo
Thank you miss Emily <3 You're right: She is ALWAYS with me.
xo
prayers for you beautiful girl <3
Thank you sweet girl <3
xo
Saying a prayer for you and your family, Katie.
No, it doesn’t get easier.
I lost my dad and my sister from cancer, and it makes me sadder the more years that pass, and the more life events I have that they aren’t around to see.
But we push on towards heaven, excitedly awaiting the day we will see them again.
Peace be to your mom’s memory.
http://www.floralandfudge.blogspot.com
Oh, sweet girl. Lots of hugs to you <3 AMEN to what you said- we push towards heaven! YES!!
xo
I lost my brother 10 ago this March 14. I lost my sister 3 years ago. I think about them everyday. It hasn’t gotten any easier for me. Even when I’m laughing and having a good time, I’m still thinking about them and how much I miss them. Sending good thoughts to you.
Oh, sweet girl, I am so sad to hear about your losses, as well. Sending lots of love and hugs to you, too <3
xo
So much love your way, friend. You are incredibly brave and strong. I just know your mamma is so proud of you!
Thank you so much, sweet friend <3
xo
Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way! You’re right, it still hurts just as much and some days you just have to let it consume you but there are days when you can smile and think of the memories!
Yes, you are absolutely right. The happy days outweigh the bad ones now! Thank you for your prayers and hugs <3
xo
Your mother was so beautiful, and you look just like her. Saying a prayer for your and your family, friend. <3
Thank you so much, Gina <3 I know you know how I feel. Lots of love to you too
xo
Sending prayers of peace and love to you and yours.
Thank you so much <3
xo
Just stumbled upon your blog based on one of my Instagram friends liking your photo and was reading some posts and came across this one. First, I just wanted to say, I am sending my thoughts to you and your family. Second, I know how you feel. My mom passed away 11 years ago when I was 18. As hard it is to believe now, it does get easier. You never forget but it does get easier. Of course you have bad, hard days. I still do…like my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my son, but on a daily basis, it is easier now than before. I could go on but I don’t want to ramble too much in your comment :) I know you don’t know me, but please feel free to email me if you ever want to talk. I honestly do understand what you are feeling and going through. Thinking of you and your family!
I have been thinking about you and your family so much lately. I am always praying for you guys. Love you lots!