LITTLE BY LITTLE

little by little

It’s time to get real. I’ve been harboring some resentment. I’ve been upset and anxious and angry, deep in my core. And I’ve been having the hardest time letting go and dealing with forgiveness. But lately, piece by piece, I feel my life being put back together. Since losing my mom to cancer over a year ago (how?) I’ve been letting God back into my life- day by day- minute by minute. It hasn’t been a sudden thing, it didn’t happen all at once. It came little by little.

Bit by bit He has been coming back.

And that isn’t even the right way to put it, because no. He hasn’t been coming back. He can’t come back if He never left to begin with. I’m just realizing that I have been coming back. I was lost. I let myself be so lost. In the haze, in the dark. And now I’m seeing that the one who was gone that whole time wasn’t Him, but me. And it’s so amazing to know that He is always there for me, when I’m ready. God gives us time. He lets us grieve. He lets us figure it out on our own. He is not forceful or pushy, although He really has every right to be. No, He is kind and gentle and patient. And so here I am. I can’t say I’m 100% back, but I’m getting there.

I’ll never get over the loss of my mom, because really there is no getting over that, but I’m getting stronger each day and most importantly to me, I’m resting in the hope of heaven and all that God has promised us.

In the face of grief you have a few choices. And this is mine.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. -Hebrews 6:19

xo

p.s. more writings on this here and here and here.

SNAPPING OUT OF A FUNK

workout buddy

[post-funk, clearly]I was having a pretty crappy day last week. We're going through the dreaded 4 month sleep regression- the one that everyone talks about and that I was crossing my fingers to avoid. Nope. Didn't avoid. We are right in the thick of it actually. And so lack of sleep and feeling sorry for myself equated to my being in all sorts of a funky funk. I hadn't worked out that day either, and … Read More...

DENIM ON DENIM

denim on denim

top: forever 21 (similar here) jean shorts: american eagle via thredup leopard flats: target belt: ann taylorSo okay, here's the thing about the denim on denim trend (which is going nowhere and will be huge again this coming fall season!): I used to hate it. Like, haaaaate it. I mean, what do you think of when you think of denim on denim? Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake at the 2001 … Read More...

MY MORNING ROUTINE

morning routine

So here's a shocker: I love coffee. No? Not a shocker? I guess I do talk about my love of coffee quite frequently, but really, since having Sam it has only grown. Exponentially. Something about the lack of sleep really makes my daily cup of joe that much more enjoyable. Like, I literally find myself looking forward to my cup of coffee the next morning. No, it's not the reason to get up, but it's definitely … Read More...

ANOTHER BABY’S FIRST AND A ROAD TRIP

first church trip

This weekend we fiiinally took Sam to church, a.k.a. Baby's First Church Service, because we were feeling all sorts of brave. I was riding the high of my-baby-is-no-longer-a-newborn-and-can-do-anything-like-a-rock-star because really, I'm convinced that he can. You know the feeling. I'm not scared to take him places anymore! This is huge, it's really really huge, because the first few months, I was like … Read More...